Why not be Cheerful & Friendly?
Last week I had an appointment with a new Rheumatologist. Towards the end of my two hour long appointment he told me that I seemed cheerful and friendly. He followed it by saying, “That either means you are a really good coper or you push it so deep down inside that the pressure is building and you’ll eventually explode. By this part of the appointment (him telling me his summary and plan going forward) most patients cry.” Wow! I’d never had a doctor address my positivity with caution. I guess that shows that he really cares about the full impact of living with fibromyalgia, but he really caught me off guard.
The night of my appointment and the next day I couldn’t quit thinking about how he’d challenged me. For one, I felt feelings of sorrow for his patients who were crying and for him, having to emotionally accept that he often tells people news that makes them cry. What follows is an expanded version of how I responded to my Rheumatologist and my overall philosophy.
I got my fibromyalgia diagnosis first semester my sophomore year of college. By then, I’d already been feeling horrible for 11 months. I was happy to finally have a name to put to all my symptoms and a syndrome to learn about to start making steps towards feeling better. I was young, single, had so many things that I wanted to accomplish and had the rest of my life to live. I knew that I would have to find a way to cope with and happily live with fibromyalgia. What other choice did I have, be unhappy for the remaining ~70 years of my life? That doesn’t even sound like a reasonable choice.
There were many downsides to having and being diagnosed with fibromyalgia at a young age, but maybe there was one huge upside. I never really had the choice of giving up or giving into fibromyalgia. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t easy, I had down days, but overall I was on a mission to understand what was going on with my body, feel better and not let the process keep me from getting good grades, a bachelor’s degree and a job after graduation. I had already started on the path to achieve those things and in my mind there was no turning back. The only route was moving forward, no matter how hard it got. So, this was my new life, why not be cheerful, friendly and present for it? If I wasn’t, what kind of a life could I really have?
Have you ever had a doctor question your happiness?
I chose to be cheerful, friendly and present for my life*
*Image Credit: from www.flickr.com by benjaminasmith
Posted: May 23rd, 2011 under Living with Fibro.
Tags: My Philosophy, Rheumatologist, School
Comments
Comment from Abby
Time May 23, 2011 at 9:20 am
I’ve never had a doctor question my upbeat spirit but I have had friends and family do it. I was diagnosed in my junior year of high school after a year long process of other possiblities and I felt the same way. I can’t be miserable the rest of my life. I have lots to do and fun to have so I deal with it. It’s just part of me.
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Comment from Kelby
Time May 23, 2011 at 11:37 am
Beautifully said!
Kelby recently posted: 2011 Denver Arthritis Walk
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Comment from Princess CAT
Time May 23, 2011 at 12:18 pm
I have a Doctor that I loving call Dr HuggyBear…not where he can hear me, of course…as he is very emotional guy, and, well, huggy!!! He usually cries at least once during my appointments over how sick I am and how impressed he is by the way I come in with a smile and can always find humour things. You’ve inspired me to do a blog post on people’s reactions to my attitude! Thanks…and keep smiling!!!
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Felicia Fibro Reply:
May 23rd, 2011 at 12:54 pm
Dr. HuggyBear – hehe! I can’t wait to read your post, Princess CAT!
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Comment from Jenna Visscher
Time May 23, 2011 at 12:36 pm
I received a diagnosis a few years before I found out that I had Spondyloarthritis as well as Fibro. I went to a local Fibro support group and was told by the RN (and fellow Fibro sufferer) that in order to have any physician “believe” there was actually something going on that we had to go to appointments looking like hell – even to the extent of not brushing our hair or wearing makeup. That was almost 12 years ago – I am so glad we are making progress because I will not be that person – I will be like you – friendly and cheerful and if a doctor chooses not to believe what I’m dealing with then… NEXT! lol
There were many times that I did cry in my Dr. office but out of despair and pain. Thank goodness for getting through those years and to anyone who is newly diagnosed – hang in there. It will get better and you will find understanding and care.
Jenna Visscher recently posted: By- What was I thinking — The Fight Like A Girl Club
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Felicia Fibro Reply:
May 23rd, 2011 at 4:50 pm
Jenna – Wow, what a story! Although I understand where that RN was coming from, for the medical climate at the time, I think that it is irresponsible for her (as medical care provider) to have told others they should do that! I’m glad you stuck to your true self!
I hope I did not come across as meaning that I’ve never cried during a doctor’s appointment. There has been more than once where a medical care provider has caused me extreme pain while examining me and I’ve shed tears in response to be overwhelmed by my pain. Thanks for allowing me to clarify.
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Comment from Michelle jadaa
Time May 23, 2011 at 12:50 pm
Sounds like the doc is a good one! My first family doc was amazing, partly because he was direct and honest. His advice was so down to earth, i wish he was still practising!
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Felicia Fibro Reply:
May 23rd, 2011 at 12:59 pm
Direct, honest & down to earth? Your old family doc sounds fantastic, Michelle! I bet he was hard to say bye to.
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Comment from Alyssa
Time May 25, 2011 at 7:59 am
I would have doctors look at me and think I’m really not that bad also. Because I didn’t make a big scene or complain. I would just lay out the facts. Also I think because I was diagnosed when I was 18 and I really pushed myself until there was no tomorrow.
The main time I cry is when I’m stressed out. Especially if I’m stressed by not feeling well. So if I have a doctor that’s not listening to me, I almost always cry. Even if it’s after I leave. The health care system can be so frustrating!
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Felicia Fibro Reply:
May 25th, 2011 at 2:09 pm
I’m the same way, Alyssa. I’m mostly about sharing the facts/info at my appointments. There is so much to cover, I feel like to get through it all I have to do that. The health care system can be so very frustrating! The most emotional response I’ve had in years, except for when a friend died, was after ending a horrible phone call with a clinic. It was during my search to find a new primary care provider who would be a good fit.
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Comment from Tami Stackelhouse
Time May 29, 2011 at 5:26 pm
Years ago, when I was in the process for filing for disability, I would go to my doctor as my usual cheerful self. When I got to the final round of actually having my case in front of a judge, they determined that my medical records didn’t show that I was actually disabled enough. I’m so much better that it’s no longer an issue, but I know that I was at the time, so it is a bit frustrating. I can kind of see what that RN was talking about. At the same time, to go to those appointments purposefully making myself look bad seems a bit like lying, you know?
Fibro is such a tricky thing. On the days where we really feel like crap, well, those are the days we should go to our appointments. The only thing is that those are the days we tend to reschedule. =)
Tami Stackelhouse recently posted: First Commandment of Healing- Don’t be an ass Honor your body
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Felicia Fibro Reply:
May 29th, 2011 at 6:39 pm
You bring up some excellent points, Tami. Those of us who decide to be cheerful need to make sure our doctors are noting how we’ve truly been feeling in or charts. With the seeming rushed appointments of now-a-days it is easy to only focus on the issue currently most important. One thing I started doing is jotting the dates of any of my flares, along with the symptoms and relaying that information to my doctor at my next appointment or online. It is important that our records show how we’re feeling MOST of the time, not just during our appointments.
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Comment from Through the Lens of Kimberly Gauthier, Photography Blog
Time June 5, 2011 at 9:41 am
This is such a fantastic post. I don’t live with pain and I was inspired when I met you, because you have such a fantastic personality and attitude.
For me, when I meet people like you, I’m inspired even more to be the positive person that I try to be, because if you can do it through fibromyalgia, then I can do it through a running late or a silly misunderstanding.
Thank you!
Through the Lens of Kimberly Gauthier, Photography Blog recently posted: Seattle Bloggy Boot Camp Review
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Felicia Fibro Reply:
June 5th, 2011 at 1:21 pm
Wow, thanks for all those amazing compliments, Kimberly! *blush*
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Felicia Fibro Reply:
May 23rd, 2011 at 11:18 am
That is nice that your friends and family cared enough to check in with you how you were handling it! So many just avoid the subject!
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